Rules For Summer

I hate Summer. I don't mind the Spring-like days of Summer, but the hot and humid days make me angry. See, the best thing about Winter or even late Fall, is that you can ALWAYS get warmer if need be. You're cold? Throw an extra sweater on. A little chilly at night? Get an extra blanket. Summer is a different story. You CAN'T always get cooler! Days like today are perfect examples. Its fuckin Africa hot out there. Its well into the 90's and the humidity is enough to choke the life out of you. Don't get me wrong, I love the outdoors. I would however, like the outdoors better in the Summer if they brought the "outdoors" indoors! The following are things which I think should be universally implemented throughout the Summer months...immediately!

- Dress codes for work should be lifted. Suits, ties, slacks etc. should all be banned and whatever one wishes to wear should be accepted.

- If the temperature outside exceeds 80 degrees, all work, banks, markets and businesses should be closed.

- Air Conditioning in buildings, stores, restaurants, etc. should be set a a maximum of 60 degrees with anything higher being considered unlawful and subject to a fine.

- Those annoying fucking Census people, who are apparently desperate for work, should have to wait in your car while you run errands or are working, with the air conditioning pumping so when you return to your vehicle, its nice and cold.

- Those schmucks who claim their air is broken or not working properly in public places should be incarcerated and subjected to 10 lashings with a cane.

- Those people who are in the business of fixing the above broken air conditioners, should be on call and ready for immediate action. None of this we can be out there in 1-2 days crap. The Red Cross wouldn't say that in a natural disaster like a Tornado or something, this is similar.

- It should be mandatory for people to shower twice daily. Anything less should result in waterboarding for their whole family while they watch.

- Lastly, a fan is NOT an air conditioner. Duh.


These rules should not only be implemented instantly, but should be firmly enforced without any insubordination. Those who refuse to oblige, should be sent to the clink. This sucks.