The Magic Mirror

So I was down in Atlantic City this past weekend for my boys bachelor party. We stayed at the Borgata. Lovely little spot. It was your usual bachelor party complete with overeating, over drinking, and random debauchery. Throughout the weekend, as I walked through the hallowed halls of this beautiful edifice, something was so appallingly obvious to me that I decided to dwell on it a bit. Apparently, there is a company out there somewhere that makes magic mirrors and they obviously have a deal with all hotel/casinos to put them in every guest room. Now, to clarify, I am not talking about fun house mirrors, or those stupid little mirrors with a hologram in them. I am talking about an ordinary looking mirror that may grace anyone of our homes. We may not know they're magic mirrors in these hotels, but they are. What makes these ordinary accessories magic you ask? Allow me to broaden your horizons....

I have been to many a casino in my life. Everywhere from Vegas to AC and some spots in between. Apparently this magic mirror company does some fuckin business because they seem to be in every spot I have visited. The magic mirrors are those mirrors that may seem ordinary to you or I, but for most, are the evil, lying, deceitful jokesters that tell these people they look good before they go out. A 5 minute stroll across the casino floor will easily yield a minimum of 200-500 complete messes to the likes no one has ever seen. These people have the audacity to go out into public wearing what they are. I mean, they had to have looked in a mirror at some point before leaving their rooms right? Most hotel room doors have a full length magic mirror right on the back of the door, so as you approach it to leave, you have to see your self in full view right? I was worried about finding a collar stay for my shirt and these people walk out of the room in a wife-beater and jorts (with the finished hem). I understand for most, this is a vacation and they feel they can wear whatever they want, but are those tight jeans the best you have to offer? Do I need to see the veins in your nuts as you walk in my direction because your pants are that tight? Is your Members Only jacket, over your red turtle neck the best you got? The best part about these folks is that they think they look good, hell, they think they look great. Combine these outfits with that "cool" strut they rock and they are on fire! They're probably shocked GQ isn't knocking down their door. You can see it in their faces. The confidence is high, they feel they look their best, they are ready to party and interact with the opposite sex....of course all this while wearing parachute pants, flip-flops, a wife-beater under a white T-shirt that is down to your knees, and a red Yankees hat. Do they even make red Yankees hats? Aren't their colors blue, grey and white? Whatever. The level of confidence exuded by these people make me feel inferior. So much so, I almost felt like going up to the room to change. These cats are feeling good, "looking good" and ready to go, and I'm still stressing about only having one collar stay and my night is ruined until I can locate another one.

The good thing is that should you wish to take a break from all the hustle and bustle, simply have a cocktail, and sit back and people watch, you're all set. Your eyes will have a feast of massive proportions. Almost every gaggle of people passing by has one "special" magic mirrorite among them. All you gotta do is simply sit back and enjoy. I was lucky enough this weekend to see a guy in red pants, a beige paisley button-down shirt and a belt with the buckle gracing the name GEORGE on it. Oh, and deck shoes with green socks, how can I forget. These gems are out there and you must watch closely, but you can find them.

Anyway, on to the next. I'm waiting for the pit boss to text me this morning when the cocktail waitress comes around with my drink that I ordered on Saturday.....