The Line

I just returned from my son's Kindergarten graduation. I swelled up at some points throughout the ceremony. I am a pussy. Anyway, all the families of the graduates were in attendance. As I panned the room to see who looks good and who looks like they got hit in the face with a bag of nickels, I noticed something in almost every corner of the room that struck me as alarming in this day and age. The Line. What is the line? The line is that thick band that hugs the back of a woman's thigh indicating she is a wearer of bloomers rather than a thong. This may have flown back in the 30s and 40s folks, but in 2010? Now, you're probably thinking, "ewww, he was looking at all these women's butts!" The answer to that question is emphatically NO! (not all of them). The fact that we are on the brink of Summer, women naturally wear more revealing clothing and in some cases appallingly so. The common man can notice The Line at incredible distances, kinda like a lion seeking out the weakest Gazelle from across the savannah if you will. We sit, we watch, and we evaluate. After all, The Line does speak volumes about a woman. To me, it simply means a few major things. One, she is sexually reserved. Two, she doesn't feel sexy nor considers herself to be so. And lastly, she either has the menstrual cycle of an elephant in heat or she hasn't groomed her nether regions since the last Haley's Comet flyby in '87. Bottom line, there is no reason for any women to envelope herself in these tarp-like kitty covers. I don't care about your comfort, its not about you...its about me and us lions in the brush.....