SASQUATCH!

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Well Golllllllllly! This here feller done see him some Bigfoot! Are you fricken kidding me? This redneck calls 911, twice no less, to report there is a "real-life" Bigfoot chillin' in his backyard. Now, its obvious ole Billy Bob here was suckin' on grandpa's old cough medicine. Between that unbearable twang and the pace at whcih he spoke, I'm surprised the 911 operator didn't tell him to put down the moonshine and sleep it off. Seriously though, is there any chance Deliverance over here really saw this thing? He said it was 10' tall. I know if it were me, and I was merely yards from a 10' tall "ape-like" creature covered in hair as he described it, I would have broken the land speed record high-tailing it the fuck outta there. I surely wouldn't have reached for the rotary phone and dialed the po-leece. You gotta love how this hillbilly said, "eeeets ha-ir wuz beeeeutifool." This is how you know Grizzly Adams here was throwin a few back. If you have time to notice the fuckin things hair-do, he had to be shitfaced. Not to mention, this thing came back later on? I don't get it. I find it a little hard to believe that after the all the attempts worldwide to find this legendary creature, with all the hi-tech equipment and sophisticated technology that's been used, this shitshow has one stroll in his backyard...twice! That being said, I guess its possible ole Wilmer here gives off a certain pheromone that attracts this beast. Maybe that's the key to finding one of these...you have to smell like a bum's nutsack? We'll never know. Anyway, all you researchers looking for this thing, look no further. If you wanna spot the creature and interact with it, head down to NC and seek out this mess. He'll make some sweet tea and introduce you to his beautiful hairy friend...