The South Jersey Shore

Big fan of the Jersey Shore. I mean where else can you watch 5 schmucks lay on the beach, mack broads, and get rich and famous while doing it? Is it the best gig ever? It just may be. I couldn't help to think if the same show would be successful if you did it about 5 Jews. I think it would be a huge hit. I can see it now... Mike "The Situation" would now be Shlomo "The Shlepper"....Pauly-D would now be Bernie Weingold or Bernie-Dubs for short,...J-WOWW would be Oy-Vey-J,...Snookie would be Shvitzy,....and Ronnie, well he can just be Ronnie. Tell me this doesn't sound like a banner cast. Five Jews at the Shore sounds like a hit before I even see an episode. They can be sitting around their shore house, a $3.5MM pad on the beach that Shvitzy's grandmother has owned for years. They wouldn't discuss things like clubs or scoring chicks, but rather the humidity and how they have to pick up a cake for tonight's party. Instead of GTL, (Gym, Tan, Laundry for those who aren't familiar)it would be more like MPH or Manicure, Pedicure, Highlights. They would show them wildly enjoying the summer eves while engaging in Mah-Jong and Canasta. Instead of drunk fights on the club dance floor, they can show The Shlepper and Bernie-Dubs arguing with two hassids over who got a better mortgage rate. I mean the possibilities are endless. Forget bringing chicks back to their crib, they wouldn't be allowed to get sand on the carpet. Even if they snuck the chicks in, they would have to sleep in different rooms until they were married even though its a one-night stand. Friday nights would suck though, its Shabbat, and they can only sit around drinking Maneschevitz and eating latkes. Saturday mornings would be fun around the house before the beach. One of them would go and get some bagels and a shmear while the others prepare for the beach. Now while the normal cast would be packing tanning oil, beers, sunglasses and some towels, the Jewish cast would have a guy come and pack up for them and then bring their stuff down to the beach. He would pack Kleenex, suntan lotion (SPF 25 through 50), a few small sandwiches in case they get noshy, visors (so they can see and quickly throw it on should someone start gossiping about someone else), moist towelettes in case they shvitz, cell phone in case the accountant should call mid-day on a Saturday, fresh fruit because the guy on the beach selling snacks is a fortune at $.25 a plum, and lastly a big blanket to put it on as not to get sand on ANYTHING. Hopefully it wouldn't be to hot because the water is off limits, especially for the women. They cant get their head wet because of some stupid Japanese straightening or Keratin treatment they got only days before, which prevents them from getting their hair even so much as damp for months at a clip. Chances are, that after all this, they would go back to the house in about 45 minutes anyway because they were chilly on a 90 degree day. The episode would end with them all eating Chinese food and putting on anti-wrinkle cream. Not for nothing, I think I may have something here.......