The Man Test

I have seen a lot of questionable acts recently by guys that make me scratch my head. I have listed a few of these examples a self test to make sure you are above reproach as a real man...



1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, youre not a straight man. It means you havent sucked back enough beer with the guys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and the Oprah diet....




2. If you have a cat, you are undeniably a loser. A cat is like a dog, but queer - it grooms itself constantly, but never scratches itself. It has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws to scratch the shit out of you and it whines to be fed. Just think of how you call a dog..."Killer! come here!.. Now, think about how you call a cat..... "Bun-bun, come to daddy snookums." Yep, youre a girl.



3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-pops, baby pacifiers or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A real man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pig's feet and tits. Anything else and you are a chick in training and undeniably not a man.



4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet - he defecates and urinates where he pleases. Go with it or live with the fact that you are suspect.


5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, there's something wrong Tinkerbelle. A real man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte." If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other
than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all that crap. If you can pick out Chartreusse, you're not a real man. If you can name ANY type of textile besides cotton or denim, forget renewing your man card.


7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, youre dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at the slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. the rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his drink. Drive like a man or move over...ma'am.

Thanks.

Cat Snack

The Marinating Cat Is Off the Menu -- And In a New Home

Published August 11, 2010
FoxNews.com


A 4-year-old feline was rescued Sunday from 51-year-old Gary Korkuc, who was preparing the cat as a meal by “marinating” him in oil and peppers in the trunk of his car. Police officers made the discovery during a traffic stop.

The Erie County SPCA's Alice Mallone, who handled the first adoption as well as Dankowski’s

adoption, said of Oliver, “it was a match made in heaven.”

She says Dankowski’s adoption of Oliver “warms her heart” because she knows that this time Oliver is going to a caring and loving home.

Police say Korkuc told them he mistreated the cat because it was ill-tempered. Korkuc was charged with cruelty and released.

Dankowski describes Oliver as “adorable, playful, loves attention, and is not aggressive at all.”

Since being at home, Dankowski says, Oliver has been exploring his new home and the only thing left to do is get Oliver acclimated with her other feline friend.

“They have met through the baby gate and hissed at each other a little. It will take time.”



SCREEEECH! Hold the music! This dude was mad at his cat so he marinated the fucker in oil and peppers and was going to eat him? Am I reading this right? First of all, who gets mad at a cat. Secondly, granted, cats suck, but everyone knows you bury them up to their head on the lawn and then just mow the grass, you don't eat them. Better yet, the cat was marinating in his trunk! Where the fuck was he taking him? Obviously he was taking him to some Cambodian restaurant for the proper preparation. Everybody knows that those peeps love to eat household pets. I guess he kept in the trunk as not to spill oil on the leather, makes sense.. My question is, what if it suffocates? Perhaps he factored that in I suppose. Cat may very well be better tasting dead than alive, I'm not sure, though I would probably prefer it alive as it would be fresher and more succulent.

I'm not totally convinced after reading this that this guy has lost it. I mean cats are the worst fucking animals alive (eat me PETA). All they do is sit on top of televisions and chase fucking strings around. Not to mention they have attitudes as well. I love people who compare dogs to cats and say cats are also fun and playful. Cat people are distinctly different than dog people. Cats blow, period. Too bad this guy wasn't one of those animal hoarders who have like 50,000 cats in their homes. Can you imagine the smorgasbord this dude would have? I mean I'm talkin cat dumplings, stuffed cat, fried cat sandwiches, cat pizza, cat infused seafood...the list can go on and on....

So, I suppose there is a lesson to be learned here. If you're gonna eat cat, don't marinate it in your trunk beforehand. Let it simmer at home where it belongs. That being said, this guy just brought eating pussy to a whole new level.

P.S. I wonder what other recipes he has, I'm drooling just thinking about it